Playing StarClan
by inversereality
Summary: Once, Shard and Hail were in love. Then came Viper, who stole Hail's heart while Shard was right there, leaving her to commit a murder in the dark of the night, one that could never be forgiven. But she didn't stop there - this awakened in her a love of killing, and for a while she thought she was greater than StarClan. But murder isn't a game. And StarClan can't be beaten.
1. Chapter 1 - then

Love.

It's so beautiful, the way it can wrap around you like the petals of the sweetest flower and keep you warm on the coldest nights. To me, there couldn't possibly be anything better than love in this world, and I never wanted to lose his. Hail's.

I met Hail when I was younger, four seasons old, I suppose I would have been. I was tangled up in a patch of thistles, my fur torn out and in clumps around the bushes. I had finally given up and was just laying there, thorns digging into my sides. Then he came clomping through the forest and scattering leaves all over the place. Every single piece of prey must have been long gone by the time he got there. His deep amber eyes swept over me, glittering in amusement, before he helped me out with gentle tugs and soft words.

After that, he tried to go find something for me to eat while I recovered, but he was a terrible hunter, and I spent the next moon teaching him how to hunt correctly. He still wasn't a wonderful hunter, but at least he could catch something to eat every now and then.

I don't quite know when I fell in love with him, or when he fell in love with me, but we were in love now, and that was all that mattered at this point. I didn't think I would have made it the rest of my life if he hadn't showed up. I'm not exactly sure how I made up to that fifth season without him.

* * *

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" His nose was pointed to the sky, the light of the moon turning his eyes silver.

"What?" I was laying beside him, my fur brushing his and my head on his shoulder.

He looked over at me. As the moonlight vanished from his eyes, the silver melted into the deepest amber, gold ringing his pupil and ribbons of yellow twirling around the irises. "The moon, of course."

It was beautiful. We'd spent many a day staring up at the glowing white orb, wishing we could reach up and grasp it with our paws, hang it on the roof of the cave and sleep with the cool, gentle embrace of the light. Some days I truly yearned for the luminous sphere to be my own, but it was impossible. "Yes," I breathed to Hail, burying my nose in his fluffy gray fur.

He cocked his head at the sky. "I can smell snow," he whispered. "It'll probably snow tomorrow."

"Do you think?" I never liked snow. Cold and always sticking between my toes like frozen leeches, sucking the warmth from my paws. Sure, it was pretty and sparkly on the way down, but that never made up for the emptiness it made me feel, as if my world had suddenly been deprived of color. How upsetting that would be.

Hail knew I didn't like snow. "Most likely." Actually, I disliked winter as a whole. It was a dreary season. Little food, always and empty pit in the stomach, no color, no warmth. I was always elated when the first warm fingers of spring caressed my fur.

"Ah well." What could I do about it anyway? Besides, winter was to be the least of my worries.

I would have other concerns to bother with.


	2. Chapter 2 - then

I don't quite know where she came from. She just appeared in the shadows of the forest like she'd been living there her whole life.

I wasn't comfortable with her from the moment I caught her glittering emerald eyes. I was sitting with Hail, sharing a warm rabbit that he found somewhere – who knows where? It was the dead of winter! – when I saw it. A movement in the shadows, slightly to my right. It was barely noticeable, barely even _there_, but I saw it. Hail had cocked his head at me as I glared into the trees, my neck fur bristling at the thought that someone could have possibly decided to move into our territory.

At first, I thought she was a fox. I wish to this day she would have been a fox; I could have destroyed her right then and not had to worry about the troubles she would bring me later.

Then she shifted a huge pair of sparkling green eyes, so green the brightest spring leaves couldn't have compared. I bared my teeth and hissed, low and long, but the eyes only blinked. I felt Hail shift beside me, swinging his fluffy gray head to stare into the trees. "What are you looking at?" I glanced over at him, at his deep amber eyes so filled with concern. Those flaming eyes that melted my heart. Then I glanced back, raising my tail to point out our intruder, but the eyes had vanished. Had I imagined them? I didn't think so.

"What was it?" Hail asked again, staring into my eyes. "What did you see?"

I would deal with it later. Not now though – I just wanted to be with Hail and finish our rabbit in peace. "I thought I saw a squirrel. Guess not." I could tell he didn't believe me, but what was I to do? Let him loose on some potentially crazy feline? She had to be crazy to enter the territory of not just one, but two cats. Two cats who had survived on their own all their life and had been in more battles than I could count on my claws. We had the scars to prove it.

That night was long and cold. I can still remember the way the freezing air seeped into our fur and made our bones stiff. I was curled up against Hail, my nose pressed into his warm gray fur. The wind outside whipped around, tossing little white flakes of snow into our cave and onto the smooth, dark gray stone along the ground. I pulled my tail up over my muzzle, away from the color-stealing white snow.

My eyes had been ready to close when something outside snapped. The crack was loud and frightening, and I jumped. Hail stiffened behind me, his ears swiveling when a sharp squeal sounded beyond the cave. He was up in a moment. "Come on," he whispered. Reluctantly, I pushed myself to my paws and shivered against the cold that was already trying to pierce my fur.

The snow flew about wildly, flying into my eyes and nose and muffling my ears. Snow crunched underfoot as we made our way to what I made out as a fallen tree. The broken branches pointed crookedly into the forest as if indicating a path the creature that had squealed. Thankfully, Hail didn't seem to notice, instead nudging around the dirty snow with his nose. Then he looked up at me, concern clouding his eyes, and gestured toward a dark patch in the snow.

I knelt down and squinted, sniffing it only after I couldn't figure out what I was seeing. It was blood. Quite a patch of it, too. I remember thinking about how relieved I was that whatever had entered out territory – I assumed it was her who got hurt – had been injured, and perhaps it would die on its own, without me having to send Hail after it. I also remember, in later days, looking back at that moment when I thought she was going to die and wishing with every ounce of willpower I had that she really had died, because otherwise, I would still be with Hail to this day.


	3. Chapter 3 - then

Maybe I could have been able to stop her. If only I had forced myself out into that cold winter night after Hail had fallen asleep and sought out the creature that had injured itself, making sure it was really dead, maybe none of this would have happened. If only I had lunged for those eyes the moment I saw them and tore them from their host, I could have saved myself. If only, if only.

But I didn't. I laid curled up against Hail and dreamed of warm summer nights and fat prey. I suppose if I had gone out and killed her right off, I wouldn't have this story, this warning to share.

One doesn't always get what they wish for, I've realized.

The snow only came down harder as the night ended and morning came. When I awoke, I stepped away from Hail's warm fur and stood at the entrance to the cave, staring out over the snow. The sky was completely gray, cold and frozen. All color had vanished, leaving behind choking depression that muffled my brain. My movements felt slow and sluggish as I made my way back to Hail's side.

Even Hail's thick fur couldn't warm me up now. The temperature felt as if it was dropping lower with every snowflake that hit the ground.

Eventually Hail stirred, pushing himself to his paws and pulling his warmth away from me. His lifted his gray head to stare out from the cave entrance, his glowing amber eyes scanning the white. Something flashed there – something I hadn't seen in his eyes before.

Something I wished never appeared.

He glanced over at me, his eyes lingering a moment more than normal. "Last night… that sound. It'll need help." His jaws were tense, flexing and retracting. I stared up at him, shivering as I thought about the snow melting in my fur, freezing cold liquid seeping into my skin.

Of course I gave in. Those eyes – they melted me every time he turned them to me. He could convince me to do absolutely anything he wanted with only one of those golden glances of his. I gave in, and I followed him out into the leeches of the winter. Snow melted in the fur between my toes, and then froze all over again, until I had to stop every few steps and knock them out with my nose.

A clump of snow fell from somewhere high above us, exploding on the ground at our paws, white fluff dusting our noses and our backs. I reared backward, letting out a squeak. Hail turned slightly, his eyes twinkling, and laughed at me with his sweet, warm laugh before turning back to the path he was following and stepping over the newly-made mound of snow. I growled back at him, but the irritation was gone and replaced by simple adoration for my mate. I watched his tail swish through the snow, the soft gray fur leaving a thick trail through the white. One after the other, I placed my paws in a line inside of the trail and padded lightly behind him, careful to take large strides so that less snow got stuck in my paws as we made our way between the trees.

Hail kept his nose close to the ground as we crept farther into the forest. I couldn't pick up whatever scent he was following – if he was even following one at all, so I watched for signs of movement in the forest. All was still. Every now and then, a clump of snow would drop from the trees and explode in a little puff, but otherwise, there was no shift in what little shadows could form in this vast white ocean.

Suddenly, Hail came to a stop so fast I crashed into his back and collapsed in the snow. Immediately, the cold overtook me, digging into my skin. I moaned and rolled to my side, curling my tail around my nose, but Hail pulled me up by my scruff and gestured with his tail towards a hole in the snow. "The scent trail is strongest here, and it leads down there," he whispered, his eyes trained on the dark hole. I suppressed a shiver and followed him to the edge.

Sometimes there is this moment when the ground tips forward and gravity flips upside down. Everything is backwards and wrong side up and you can't figure out which way is left or right or straight. As I leaned over the hole, heart pounding, staring into the darkest fur I've ever seen, this is what I felt. As two perfectly round, deep green eyes slowly turned to stare into mine, this is what happened to my world.


	4. Chapter 4 - then

She was gone before she was ever really there. At first, I'd thought – _hoped_ – I'd imagined her, but as I turned to stare at Hail, I found his eyes trained on the tree she had pelted around. "Did you see it?" he whispered. His voice was filled with something, something I would later realize to be similar to awe, something I would later wished that I had clawed right out of his mouth.

I decided to go with denial. "See what?" I inwardly cringed as Hail narrowed his eyes in confusion, glancing at me for a moment before his gaze slid back to where we'd last seen the creature.

It was a cat, of course – nothing else could run like that, and besides, her scent was all over the hole in the snow. Still, she was forever but a creature to me, nothing else. Not even really a _she_, just the creature and nothing else. Most often in those early days, I often found myself referring to her as _it_ or _those green eyes_. Hail never knew, but my dislike, my lack of trust, was there long before she ever ruined my life.

"How could you not have seen her?" he questioned, squinting at the shadows. "It was right there!"

"The hole?" I didn't want it to be real. It had been me and him forever, on our own, by ourselves, spiraling farther and farther in love the longer we were together. I didn't want anyone to change that. I used to think nothing _could_ change that.

I was horribly, horribly wrong.

Hail threw his head back and laughed, that warm and carefree laugh that softened my insides every time I heard it. "No, the cat." He was still staring into the trees, and slowly, as he took a step forward, the laughter faded from his eyes. His nose twitched and he looked down, eyes slitted in concern. Blood spattered the snow around the hole. "It could be very hurt," he murmured. "We have to help it."

This compassion, this deep-seated altruistic nature that had always glowed in every sparkle in his eyes, used to be one of the reasons I loved him. However, this particular act of kindness was irritating me to the point where I almost walked away. I wanted to point out that it couldn't be hurt too badly, or it wouldn't have been able to run off like that, but one look at the worry creasing his face kept me quiet. I would later realize that, perhaps, I had loved him a little more than I should have, but it didn't occur to me then. He mattered too much to me.

"Okay," I responded. If he noticed the empty resignation in my voice, he didn't mention it.

The farther we padded into the trees, the thinner and more soft the snow became. My paws sunk into the cold white fluff with every step I took, and our progress was agonizingly snow. Hail wasn't even sniffing the ground anymore; the cat's scent had vanished long ago. The clouds parted for a few moment, letting in a stream of steady, glorious sunlight that warmed my back, then closed again even thicker than before. The snowflakes grew larger as they came down, piling ever higher atop the already deep snow. I was so cold by then that my teeth wouldn't stop chattering, and I could practically feel my blood freezing from the outside in.

At last, Hail came to a stop and sighed, staring longingly through the trees. "We should probably go back." I could hear the disappointment in his voice, but I didn't say anything about it. The sooner the cat was out of his mind, the better, in my opinion.

On the way back to the cave, Hail was silent, and I knew he was still thinking of the cat. In what way, I couldn't tell, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

If I had, though, maybe I could have stopped everything before it was too late.

Maybe.


	5. Chapter 5 - then

I curled up against Hail, but he wasn't paying attention to me. "Who do you think it was?" He was staring out at the swirling sky; it was snowing again. "It was obviously a cat. I could smell it in the hole. But who?"

"In our territory, no less." I had to make him see this cat shouldn't be here. "The nerve."

"It needs help," he said, turning toward me. His amber eyes wide and pleading. "We can't let it die."

I scoffed. At this point, I was irritated. What was this creature taking away my mate? "Yes we can. It's in _our_ territory."

Hail shared his own irritation towards me, I suppose. "But that's cruel." He stood, untangling himself from me. "It's not fair."

"On _our_ territory! It's perfectly fair. It didn't want to die? It shouldn't have crossed our scent boundaries!" I was on my paws now as well, fur bristling and ears pressed back against my head. I'd never before been this angry at Hail before, but how could he be so... so… I couldn't even think of a word!

Hail took a deep breath and turned away. Of course he wouldn't get angry; he was the _sensible_ one. Instead of looking back at me, though, he bunched his muscles and leapt out into the snow, disappearing into the fluffy white distance. I knew what he was doing. He wanted to save it before I went out to take care of it myself.

There was no way I was going to let that happen.

I bounded into the snow, cringing as my paws sank into the cold white, and pelted after Hail. I had to beat him to the invader. And I couldn't let him know what I was doing. I had to beat him.

I had to beat him.

Normally, it wouldn't have been a problem. In the summer, when the ground was dry and flat and hard, my narrower body lent me speed. I could race past him even when he'd had a several fox-lengths' headstart. But in the winter, my small paws didn't distribute my weight evenly like Hail's massive ones did, and I kept sinking into the snow. I lengthened my stride in hopes of touching down to ground less often, but it wasn't all that much more helpful. The wind whipped through my fur and whistled in my ear, but I wasn't paying attention. I had caught the intruder's scent and was keeping it in my nose as best I could. Hail's scent was distracting, but it wasn't following exactly the right path, which filled me with short-lived hope. I began to ignore the snow between my toes and concentrated soley and going in the right direction.

Suddenly, the scent trail veered off towards the left, nearing ever closer to Hail's scent, like it knew where he was. My heart pounded in terror. He couldn't have gotten to her first! Oh, please, no!

Then it crossed over his trail at an angle and kept going left, away from Hail, away from safety. By now, my lungs were burning, and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it up much longer. It had to be close. It had to.

And then I caught it. A strong whiff of cat; a she-cat, of course. Hail had probably figured that out and hadn't told me for fear of me becoming jealous. He had good reason – I didn't have the world's best temper – but still. He should have told me. He didn't trust me enough.

Then I slammed face-first into something warm and soft and went sprawling over the snow.


	6. Chapter 6 - then

She didn't look evil, not at first. She was small and petite, all small, perfect shapes and sharp angles. Her black fur was sleek and shiny like she'd lived an easy life up to this point. Her delicate bone structure was almost enough for me to let down my guard and consider that maybe she wouldn't be so bad to have around. And she looked so little, curled up in the snow.

Then she lifted her head and looked at me. Those green eyes, huge, narrowed, and glittering. They were full or menace and sarcasm and she was sneering at me with her perfect little teeth showing.

I drew myself up to my full height – not that I'd needed to; I was already a lot taller than her – and bared my teeth in the most vicious snarl I could make. My claws unsheathed and dug at the snow and I could feel fur rising along my neck. My leg muscles were bunched and ready to pounce, ready to sink my teeth into her neck and rid myself of the nuisance.

Oh, how I wished I had done it a second sooner.

Hail burst in from the bushes and barreled into me. "What are you doing?!" he cried, pushing himself to his paws and leaping over me to get to the she-cat. Instantly, all the horrid things I'd seen in her eyes vanished and she filled them with terror and pleading. She looked almost… innocent.

"What's your name?" he asked her, almost in a whisper.

She looked up at him with something like adoration. "Viper," she replied, equally as quiet. Viper. How fitting.

Hail's eyes, then, were the softest I'd ever seen. He'd never looked at me like that. "I'm Hail," he murmured, nudging her to her feet. "Come with me." Viper looked up at him with a look of utter adoration and gratefulness, but even then, even in the beginning, I could see she was faking it. And when she looked at me, her eyes instantly narrowing and hardening, I knew she was trouble.

I still wonder when Hail turned so blind.

Or if he just really didn't care in the first place.

Then she stood and followed him, and they left me sitting there in the snow, like a piece of prey that wasn't worth chasing.

I didn't immediately go back to the cave. Instead, I wandered around the forest and felt sorry for myself. The snow collected on my back and my nose and in my ears, but I didn't care. I couldn't feel the cold anymore. I couldn't feel anything at all then.

That was the first time he truly hurt me, I think. It was also the first time I had any thought that led to what the rest of my life would be like.

When I went back to the cave at last, Hail and Viper were curled up together. Hail would later tell me that it was only to keep her warm – after all, she had slept in the snow for at least two days, but I knew that it was more than that.

I was losing Hail.


	7. Chapter 7 - then

The snow had stopped at last. But it didn't melt. It hugged the ground like a possessed blanket, long frozen and unrelenting. All color was lost – everything glowed in various shades of gray and white. I didn't want to go out, to place my paws on the cold white, but Hail was busy quizzing Viper on her life and Viper was busy making moon-eyes at Hail, and I had to get away.

I couldn't watch Hail fall out of love with me.

He didn't even look up when I left. He was so absorbed in everything Viper was saying. It made me sick to my stomach. After everything, how long we'd been together, he was perfectly prepared to… to forget it all.

Once I was sure I was out of sight, I ran. I pumped my legs and lungs so hard everything burned, even in the midst of the chilling wind. My fur flattened against my body, and I could barely hear anything because me ears were pressed so closely to my head. The world swirled around my until the white and black all faded into a pale gray, soothing to my eyes and calming to my mind. I thought of nothing, only felt the ground flying up under my paws and the breeze whooshing through my pelt and the emptiness in my head.

Then I had to stop. I panted so hard I thought my lungs would burst, but I didn't regret the run. I sat down in the snow, ignoring the cold, and looked around.

I didn't know where I was. I had probably covered much more ground than I had intended, but it didn't matter. I'd run in a straight line, so as long as I went in the opposite direction as I had come, I would reach the cave and Hail eventually.

Thinking Hail's name brought all my distress crashing back down all around me. I didn't want to think about him now, but I couldn't push him back out of my mind.

I remembered a time, closer to when we'd first met but far enough away that we'd already fallen completely and totally in love, when Hail had sat down next to me under the bright summer moon and made me promise never to leave his side.

_"__You'll love me forever, right?" he asked._

"Of course," I responded. I shifted on my paws so that I was closer to him, my fur brushing against his. "Always."

He looked at me, all his love and admiration pouring from that golden gaze. "And I'll always love you. Nothing and no one can change that, ever."

When I'd said I'd love him forever, I meant it. I meant it then and I still mean it now, even after everything that has happened.

I guess Hail didn't.

He was dropping all my love, forgetting me so fast like we'd never made those promises. Like we'd never been in love in the first place. Like we'd never met.

All for this new she-cat that appeared out of nowhere. All for Viper.

I still wonder if what we had really meant anything at all.

How could Hail forget it all over a simple she-cat?

That was when I first realized Viper had to go.


	8. Chapter 8 - then

It was night when I returned. The white snow was dark and even the moon was hidden behind the trees and the clouds. The journey back had taken the rest of the day, and I almost didn't think I was going to able to find the cave.

Hail and Viper were still talking. No surprise there, though I was beginning to get nauseous again. I didn't want to be around them, but I was cold and wet and exhausted, and all I wanted was some sleep. I curled up against the cool stone of the farthest wall and closed my eyes, one ear swiveled towards Hail because, as much as I didn't want to hear them, some tiny part of me wanted to know what they could possibly have been talking about all this time.

"Thank you for taking me in," Viper meowed. Her voice was stronger now, syrupy and pseudo-sweet. Every word out of her mouth sounded like a song. "I'll have to leave soon, though."

I turned to look at her. _Yesyesyes,_ my mind screamed. _Gone!_ Then maybe Hail would see me again and realize what he had been about to throw away.

But her back was curved and her ears were cocked teasingly. I could see in her eyes that she really did mean to leave – but not to stay away for long. Now I could tell what she was, with her sleek fur and sparkling eyes. She was a flirt.

And Hail was falling for it.

I wanted to call her out right then, right in the middle of the cave, but I knew Hail wouldn't approve. He would be disappointed and upset, and even though I was losing him, I still cared what he thought. He still mattered to me.

But now that Viper wasn't cold and alone and hurt anymore, I could see the confidence and conceit in which she carried herself. She knew she was gorgeous, and reveled in it. She used it to her advantage and played all the toms she came across. Including Hail. I didn't like it.

Sleep wasn't going to come, I could see. Not for me, and definitely not for them.

"Where will you go?" Hail asked. His eyes were narrowed in a way that let me know he wanted to know exactly where she was going to go, so that he could follow her.

I think it was then that I truly lost him.

"Home," she answered vaguely. "It's far from here."

"Oh." Hail closed his eyes. "You don't have to leave," he told her, laying his head in his paws. IN my mind I screamed at him _Hail! No! Don't do this to me!_ but I knew that it was useless. He was gone now, barely even remembering I existed. "You can stay here."

"Oh, no. I couldn't possibly," she sing-songed, wiping her slender paw over a perfectly angled ear. "I must go home. My… _friends_ would miss me too much." She was toying with him, leading him on. She wanted him to be jealous.

Yes, the name Viper fit her perfectly. She was a snake.

I couldn't stay here.

I stood up. "You know what?" I hissed, lashing my tail. "I'm leaving!" I stomped past Hail, flicking him in the face with my tailtip. I looked at him over my shoulder and curled back my lips, snarling at him between clenched teeth. "We were supposed to be together _forever._ But you're a liar."

And I left. For good.


	9. Chapter 9 - then

The ground was freezing under my paws as I left what Hail and I used to call our territory. I supposed now it must just be meeting grounds for every she-cat in the world.

I still couldn't believe Hail.

Every day since we'd met he told me we would be together forever. We would have a family together, we would watch them grow up together, we would grow old and die together. Together _forever_.

I had no idea forever would end so soon.

Even now, I think the thing that hurt the most was that I would always love him.

The sky was dark by the time I finally decided to rest. My paws ached and my head ached and my heart ached, but I'd traveled across the never-ending expanse of snow and grass to the farthest forest from Hail I could get to. I couldn't bear to be near that… that… that liar!

And it was true. He had lied to me. Every day.

I didn't realize forever and always was a time frame you could choose yourself.

If it had been, it would still be forever.

What comes after forever?

My head hurt so bad I couldn't think properly. I was starving and tired and lonely, but through my headache I didn't even notice these things. I shoved my head in a pile of snow, hoping the soul-leeching cold would drain my pain, but it didn't. It only made the parts of my head that were previously fine hurt as well.

The headache didn't even compare in the slightest to the pain my heart was feeling.

When I was younger, back when I used to live near my family, my mother would tell me stories of her love. I knew who my father was, but he never spoke to me or my mother or my siblings, even when we ran into him while we were hunting. My mother, with this as an example, would tell me stories about love and what it did to you. She told me that love never lasted, that toms never really cared as much as they acted like they did, that I was better off alone. She told me that when love was ripped away from you, it hurt worse that someone shoving their claws down your throat and tearing out your heart.

I never believed her.

Even at this point, I had no reason to. She was still wrong, though not in the way I'd thought she was when I was younger. She was wrong in that love did last, only it lasted on one side of the relationship. It lasted for me. Maybe love didn't last for the tom – obviously – but it would still be in my heart forever, no matter what. She was also wrong in thet losing love hurt as bad as losing your own heart.

It hurt much, much worse.

I felt like the sun had fallen from the sky and landed on my head, the fiery orange burning my fur from my body and keeping it for itself. It felt like someone was pulling my claws, one by one, out of my toes. It felt like a part of me was just… gone.

With that pain came a change. It started at the edge of my mind, a faint tickle, but gradually grew to take over my mind. My teeth bared and my eyes narrowed, and I welcomed the change.

I didn't sleep that night.

No. I was much too busy thinking up a plan.


	10. Chapter 10 - then

**A/N: Hey all! I just wanted to say that I really appreciate all of the feedback I've gotten on this story! As some of you may have seen, I'm a new member of this website, and this is my first story posted here, so you all have been really encouraging for me! Thank you all so much, and enjoy this chapter. B]**

* * *

Every time the thought crossed my mind I shivered.

It was a hidden thrill, buried deep within my soul. Something that had never occurred to me. A part of me lost in my subconscious.

Oh, how I loved it.

Looking back on it, that was when I truly broke. That was when the last pieces broke away and drifted into nothing.

I no longer noticed the snow under my paws. I no longer noticed the cold, the white. I no longer noticed the empty hole inside of me. I had filled it up with something else, something better. I was ready.

I welcomed the wind now. It whipped around my head, tugging on my ears and fur and whiskers. It caressed my pelt, playing with the silvery strands of fur.

The walk back seemed to take longer than the walk away from it. My head was low, my jaws set, my tail rigid along my back. My eyes narrowed against the little flakes of snow the wind constantly blew in my face, and the corner of my lip was pulled back to reveal the sharp, harsh glint of my longest fang. What a sight I must have been to anyone who saw me.

I was the picture of malice.

I loved every second of it.

The cave loomed into view. The soft edges of the pale gray stone rose above me, casting a dark shadow across my fur. Viper and Hail were laughing inside, Viper's tinkling giggle bouncing off the walls, Hail's deeper chuckle resounded in my head like a regret I'd never be able to set right.

Close enough.

It had been several days since I'd left, since I'd yelled at Hail and ditched him. The fact that he didn't seem to care, as was shown by his joyful laugh, only solidified my decision. It only hardened my resolve. I wonder if he even remembered who I was.

I'll never forget the look on his face when I stepped into the cave with my teeth bared. I hardly noticed the growl rising in the back of my throat, or the way my claws slid across the ground with an ear-piercing squeal. Viper took a step away, her eyes wide with horror. I can only imagine what I looked like – fur bushed out, eyes glazed and manical, teeth flashing in the light. I hope it terrified her.

Suddenly I flew across the stone floor, my claws outstretched and my jaws wide. I don't think either of them saw it coming, because they didn't move. My claws connected with his chest as he reared backward, slamming him to the ground. The blood welled up around my paws, but I didn't back off.

He choked. His eyes were pleading, but mine were already empty. I saw a flash cross his face – what, I don't know – and grinned in cruelty.

I kind of enjoyed it.

My claws, slipping through delicate fur, slicing through the last threads of his life.

It was nice, being in control of something again.

I wonder what went through his mind that night, in his final moments. I wonder if he lived through everything we used to have again; our past, our present, our future. I wonder if he saw me as the one he used to love, or if his final thoughts rang of the insanity that my eyes must have spoken.

I wonder if he understood.

I think, as the light faded, he remembered.

* * *

**Conclusion of Part One: Then**


	11. Chapter 11 - now

**Part II - Now**

The steady drip-drip-drip of the rain covers the sound of my pawsteps. I'm soaked all the way through, my pelt dark and sagging with the weight of the water. It's chilling and bites into my skin, but I ignore it. There are other things on my mind.

It's so dark. One of the darkest nights I've seen in a long while. Darker than the night Hail was lost.

The dark is convenient.

Long shadows stretch across my back, across the ground, striping the already charcoal ground with an even darker black. I can't see my prey, but they can't see me either. I have the better nose, anyway – I'm sure of it. The trees loom far overhead – I don't think I've ever seen trees this tall, with such smooth trunks and branches so far away from the ground – their branches reaching out like claws into the night. All of it is creepy. The atmosphere is a part of me; I enjoy it.

Their scent floats into my nose. I've heard many rumors of this one: He'd taken a she-cat as his mate to make another jealous, without telling the she-cat his plans. She was in love with him, deeply, and when he left her for the cat he really wanted she was devastated. But he didn't care.

It is only right that I serve justice.

My paws crunch on dead leaves, slick with water, but the rain covers up the noise. Hopefully it covers up the scent, too. I haven't cared much about my own upkeep in a while. Justice is more important.

His smell gets stronger. My claws unsheathe, clicking faintly against the root beneath my front paws. I bare my teeth and open my mouth, just slightly, rubbing the scent over the roof of my mouth. He's so close. It's time.

I'm silent as I cross the final shadow. My paws make no sound – I'm careful to be more quiet – and I stick to the darkest shadows, my belly close to the ground. I can see his form at the edge of my vision, barely visible and fuzzy at the edges. He's sitting with his back to me, his head tilted up into the tree in front of him. His muscles are bunched, like he's tracked a squirrel and is about to pounce. Not the most ideal circumstances, but I haven't failed before.  
I slink forward, a grin tugging at the corners of my peeled-back lips. I pause between two trees and drop my head and shoulders down, tensing the muscles in my back legs and swiping my tongue over my teeth. My tail brushes the ground, just barely, and my claws dig into the dirt. Rain drips into my eyes, but I don't rely on my vision as much anyway. I stay crouched, my breathing shallow and light, waiting for the right moment.

He drops his head to look at his paws, and his body tightens, ready to leap. He's so focused on his prey that he doesn't notice me behind him, waiting in silence.

I see him drop down, in the final motion before a leap, and then his front paws lift off the ground.

I lunge.

* * *

**A/N: Hey, I just wanted to say thank you all again for all the great feedback! I also wanted to clarify that this 'fic has in fact been completely finished, and you can find the original version in full on the official warrior cats forums, along with many others of my 'fics. I decided to get an account here because I knew a lot of forumers who had one, and I decided that this 'fic, my most successful one on those forums to date, would be the first thing I posted here.**

**I also wanted to say that I have a special Hail short story, which will be posted after this 'fic has been completely uploaded, because it contains major spoilers. So keep your eyes out for it!**

**Lastly, now that we have made it to Part II, you'll notice that the style and tense changes. Rest assured, this is on purpose. I'm sure you noticed-or will notice-why. I hope you enjoy the rest! =D**


	12. Chapter 12 - now

This one is a fighter.

I've come across a few of them in my time. Some cats take it with no struggle, staring into my eyes with a plead so heartfelt I almost let go. Some cats fight a little, but it doesn't take long for them to realize that they're no match. Some cats never really know what hit them.

Some cats fight with everything they've got.

This cat is one of those.

I have him pinned against the ground, a snarl erupting from my throat. I channel all my hatred toward Hail and Viper toward this one cat and roar with fury, my claws digging into his fur. I can feel the warm blood pooling around my paws.

But he's strong, and he shoves up with every ounce of weight, throwing me off. I have no worries. I always win, and anyway, these cats are more fun to deal with than the other types. I roll with the momentum and I'm back on my feet in no time at all, leaping back toward him with my teeth ready to bite. He dives sideways and then back toward me, slamming himself head-first into my side and bowling me over. Pain explodes in my ribs as I push back, swiping an unsheathed paw at his face.

The blood wells up immediately, dripping into his eye. He blinks and hisses at me, taking a step back, but his eye stays clouded. Now the advantage is all mine.

He bounds forward again, landing on the side that hurts and sinking his teeth into my fur. I slash across his neck, tearing the fur away, and he yowls through my fur, but his grip doesn't loosen. I slash him again, this time in his shoulder, digging my claws so far in that they meet bone. He jerks back, his eyes flashing in agony, and slumps against the tree behind him.

I push myself back onto my feet. I creep toward him, head low, ever-so-gradually. The ground is spinning beneath my paws, but my balance is steady. A laugh slips from my throat and I grin, my eyes narrowing in half-amusement, half-aggression. His eyes are dull and glassy, staring straight through me.

This time when I leap, I'm ready to make the killing blow. I've only been toying with him, having some fun before I do my duty to love.

Or lack of love, as is the case.

But he blinks, the single motion returning the glow to his eyes, and rolls out of my way just in time, just before my paws hit the tree and shatter the bark, sending splinters spraying all around my paws. I was so close that a clump of his fur is trapped under my claws, flickering in the wind.

My hiss is angry. I'm growling, a feral sound from the deepest part of my throat. I'm furious, my breath coming in sharp pants and my claws sheathing and unsheathing into the bark. I turn, but the tom leaps around me, his teeth glinting in the light streaming from the moon. The clouds have parted, revealing the bright white orb, glowing solemnly in the sky.

Suddenly I'm reminded of the night Hail and I laid beneath the sky, fawning over the moon's beautiful shine, all those moons ago. I'm reminded of the way, that cold winter night, I looked into his eyes and swelled with love.

The memory only serves to make me angrier. I'm not playing around anymore. In my mind this tom is Hail, and he stepped all over my love like the cold stone floor of the cave we shared. I shoot forward, my teeth bared in malice, and this time my teeth hit home. My claws dig into the tom's shoulders, tearing away at his fur, and my teeth sink farther and farther into his neck. I can feel his heart beat beneath my fangs, feel his breath catch and then the struggle of his lungs as they tried to pull air in through his collapsed windpipe.

The death isn't fast enough for him or slow enough for me. His paws scrabble feebly at my face, at my legs, but gradually his movements slow and his lungs stop trying. His body slumps against me, heavy and still, pushing me back. I step away, pulling my teeth from his neck. The blood drips from my teeth, darkening the fur around my mouth, and I lick it away, turning toward the trees.

This game is the best I've ever played.

There is one more avenged broken heart in this world.


	13. Chapter 13 - now

Sometimes I wonder if, had Hail never met Viper or broken my heart, I would have discovered this part of me. This need to kill, this need to control the end of cats' lives. Would I have discovered that death was an escape for me? Would I have discovered that scouting victims, tracking them down, and tearing out their throats was like a game, a game I always won and never got bored of?

Would I have acted on it?

I doubt it. The more I wonder, the more I realize my love for Hail must have blocked it out. You can't have two completely opposite forces battling each other constantly within yourself. One has to dominate.

Love did, in my case, until there was none any longer.

I don't regret killing Hail. In the end, it would have to have been either him or me. I couldn't bear to see him give away all the love I'd thought was for me to Viper. I wouldn't have been able to know that Hail had given me up for Viper. She was leading him along anyway, no intention of true love. Nothing like what Hail and I had shared.

If I hadn't made the decision to murder Hail, I would have leapt from the waterfall and let myself sink to the bottom of the pool below.

My paws crunch on the leaves. The rain has dried up and the leaves crinkle now with the slightest breeze. I don't need to be quiet now; there are no new victims on my queue. I'll have to go back to the Sunstone, where all of the rogues gather and gossip about everything.

I don't really want to. I can't stand being near other cats, not since Hail and Viper. I'm always worried they're leading me on, pretending they like me so they can all turn against me as one and destroy me. Then I wouldn't be able to avenge the broken hearts any longer.

There would still be so much hurt.

But it's the only way to find out who's been messing with whom. It's the only way to find out who deserves the pain.

It's only morning. The rogues won't gather until evening, when the sun starts to disappear behind the trees.

I slip through the forest to the little cave that leads a few lengths underground. I've been sleeping here for the past quarter-moon, tracking the last tom I'd killed until I pinpointed his location and memorized his scent. There is the faint smell of fox and cat lingering on the walls, but whatever used to live here is long gone.

I'm glad I don't love anymore. This game, this justice is much, much better than any of the love Hail and I shared. It's more real, truly there the way Hail's love wasn't. I kill because I feel in a way I haven't before. I kill because I know it is genuine, the joy, the relief, the game.

And the game isn't a lie.

I lay my head in my paws and watch the light grow stronger, my emotions slipping away with the slowly fading darkness.

* * *

**A/N: Hey all! Thanks again for reading and reviewing!**

**I wanted to say that I posted a new story, Silence! It's probably two years older than this one, so don't expect it to be the same, haha. But I'm currently writing a sequel to Silence, which I will post eventually, so if you hope to read the sequel, then you should read Silence. Thanks! =D**


	14. Chapter 14 - now

I wake to the sound of the river, roaring in fury. It's raining again, the water coming down in heavy, angry torrents. There's a ripple of fainter lines in the air, angled sharply and crashing violently against the ground and the trees and into the river. I'm dreading going out there now.

I wonder if the rogues will still meet at the Sunstone in the rain. I've never needed to meet them before while it was storming.

I decide to brave it anyway. If I can kill cats with no worry, why should I care about a little rain?

As soon as I step outside I'm blinded. The water forces itself in my eyes and ears and mouth, but I drop my head so that it doesn't obscure my sense of smell. The rain covers up the scents worse than the snow does, but I can still pick out the faintest trace of dirty cat, and I follow it through the forest.

My paws slip on slick leaves and send me flying forward, my head crashing into a puddle of brown water that smells like earth. The water's all in my eyes and I can't see at all, and now my nose is clogged too. I don't know why I thought I could make it across the forest in a _storm_.

A streak of lightning lights up the sky. I can't see it clearly – my eyes are still flooded – but the muddle of colors lights up in a yellow-white blur, followed closely by a crack of thunder so loud I shriek and hit the ground. The rain pounds harder against my fur as I push myself up, shaking violently.

When I pass under the trees the rain lets up, just slightly, but enough that I notice it. I take a deep, shuddering breath, and hiss at the sky, letting out my anger at everything pour into the storm. I just want to avenge love's pieces, and this is what I get for it. All I want is help, to help in a way that satiates the burning need inside to feel again, to feel something, anything. All of my intentions are good, mostly, and still I am punished. Every day of my life I am chastised for a crime that wasn't really a crime.

I can't help but wonder what I did to deserve all the pain.

Hail's actions still get to me, sometimes. The agony is still there, only numbed and muffled. But I remember it so clearly, as if only yesterday he was tearing my heart out with his claws. I don't want to remember, but I always do. It finds its way through the heavy walls I've built around my self. It creeps through cracks I never realized were there and starts taking me down from the inside, piece by piece until I'm a wreck in the middle of the forest, writhing on the ground in anguish.

But then my claws slip through the delicate skin at the base of a stranger's neck, and I am me again.

There's another flash of lightning; another crack of thunder. I pick up my pace until I'm sprinting through the trees, my heart pounding against my chest. I can't breath, let alone scent where I'm going, so I fly blindly through the trees until suddenly I burst into the clearing.

Without the cover of the trees the rain comes down with no mercy, pelting me unceasingly. I can't smell any cats, and I don't see any dark forms against the blur of my vision.

I've traveled all this way in the middle of a thunderstorm, for _nothing_.

"Well this is _great_," I mutter, flopping down in the center of the clearing. Water splashed all around me as I squint, just barely making out the looming silhouette of the Sunstone. For a second I think I see something moving just in front of it, but I dismiss it as a trick of the rain.

But then I hear, "Shard? Is that you?" I snap my head up, trying to blink away the water in my eyes. The voice belongs to Vine, the more dominant of the rogues. If we were a group, he would be the leader.

"Yeah." My voice comes out grating and crackly. I push myself to my paws, splashing through the layers of water over to Vine's dark form. He motions me forward and pushes something aside – I hear it swish – and disappears beneath the Sunstone. I'm not sure where he's going, but I follow anyway.

Anything to get out of this rain. It reminds me too much of the day I met Hail.

* * *

**A/N: Hey all! Now not only do I have the new (or, shall I say, old) 'fic _Silence _up, I also have another new (or old) 'fic up: _Kamikaze._ Go check it out!**

**And THIRTY reviews already?! Thank you guys _so_ much! =D**


	15. Chapter 15 - now

The tunnel is extremely dark, but once my eyes clear I can see better down here than I could in the rain. The farther down I walk, trailing behind Vine, the stronger the thick scent of other cats gets. I crane my head forward, trying to see around the curve, but Vine's massive head is in my way. We walk in silence, spiraling down for what seems like hours. I can't imagine how far this tunnel goes underground.

Then, suddenly, the tunnel widens and all I can see are cats. Cats pressed up against the walls, cats whispering in little circles. A few look up at me and nod their head by way of greeting, but most are absorbed in their conversations. They're everywhere, filling most of the cavern. I know it's the same amount of cats as usual, but under here, confined in this cave and crammed together, it seems like there are a lot more.

At the back of the cave there is a row of columns. One of them, toward the center but not quite, is only the bottom half of a broken one, the surface flat and smooth and perfect for me to crouch on. I streak across the cave, through the mass of cats, and leap up on top of it. The stone is soft under my paw; the edges shine, just slightly, like they're wet, but they're as dry as anything else.

Suddenly a hush goes over the gathering of cats below me. I look across the cave to the other side, where Vine is sitting on a perch nearly identical to mine, only much, much bigger and taller. He's standing on the edge, his ragged brown pelt glowing with the reflection of the eyes of more cats than I can count.

"Good afternoon, friends," he says. His voice is loud and commanding, ringing out over the cave in a powerful echo. He glances over his shoulder, up into the gaping mouth of the tunnel. "Quite a storm out there, is it not?" The cats murmur agreement. "Today, I want to speak more to you about StarClan before you split up to update your stores of gossip." Several cats chuckle, but most groan. I'm a part of the former. He's been trying to convince all of us that StarClan exists, regardless of the fact that we don't live in Clans, and most of us never have. He hasn't succeeded, for the most part.

I believe him. My mother was a Clan cat – the only reason she left was because she was a medicine cat in love – and often told me stories of Clan ways and StarClan. I used to dream of traveling across the forests and be welcomed into a Clan, when I was younger. By the time I left her to go off on my own, I was well-versed in everything she could tell me about the Clans.

StarClan was one of the things she was most passionate about. She'd showed me Silverpelt and told me about her dreams with the starry ancestors of the sky. She pointed out little signs to me while we were out and told me stories of the past.

I know my mother wasn't crazy. She didn't lie, and she didn't show even the slightest sign of insanity. So I know, when she told me these things, that they are real.

She also told me about the Dark Forest. But I never really paid as much attention to them as much as they paid attention to the StarClan stories.

I believe in StarClan because I can feel them. I know they were there the way I knew my mother would be at my side until I didn't need her anymore. It's so obvious and so clear that I can't imagine how any of them can't see that they were real.

They are another reason I liked the killing. Choosing when and how other cats met their end is kind of like playing StarClan.

I like being that powerful.


	16. Chapter 16 - now

Vine tries to tell his stories of StarClan, but slowly the cats stop listening and begin talking to their neighbors. He keeps talking until the last few cats turn away, then gives up and rolls his eyes, jumping down from the broken column. I sit there, atop my own column, for a few more minutes, watching the cats cluster into little groups. Then I get up and meld into the crowd, heading toward the farthest group. Vine disappears into the center of it, so I know there was a lot of gossip to be heard today.

But before I get there, I overhear another group talking and flick my ears toward them, pausing with my head down so it won't seem like I'm eavesdropping.

"…That Viper she-cat is something else, let me tell you. I used to know her when I was younger. She seems a little less flirtatious now, though…"

My whole body freezes at the name. I stiffen, my head shooting up and my fur standing on end. Viper has been around? She's here?

My mind flies back to the night I took Hail away. Her eyes, terrified at first, slowly hardening into a cold, solid determination, those once-coy green spheres flashing with rage and decision. I remember leaving the cave in a sprint, my paws kicking up flurries of snow that whirled around my face. I remember the roar of fury that erupted from within the stone walls, the sound of her paws crashing through the snow, the snap as her jaws almost reached the tip of my tail. I remember disappearing into the shadows of the forest and collapsing, panting, in a paranoid pile beneath a tree, watching over my shoulder for her to reappear.

In the end, I was the faster one, but the snarls that followed me every time I closed my eyes promised revenge.

Revenge for my revenge. Funny how backwards the world really is.

She's here. She's found me, and she was going to kill me before I'd finished my spree of justice.

I dropped to a crouch, slinking through the mass of cats with my belly brushing the soft dirt floor. Someone called out in concern, but I ignored them. What if she was here, right now, waiting for me to leave alone, so she could kill me in the darkness as I had to Hail? What if she's already seen me?

Finally I reach Vine and his group. My body is numb with fear and I'm shaking, almost imperceptibly but there all the same. I chastise myself – I've been killing cats for the past three seasons and I'm scared of a little she-cat half the size of me.

But the look in her eyes.

It was the same as mine when I entered that cave. I shouldn't have been able to take down Hail.

But I did.

So what's to stop her?

Vine can see straight through me. Anyone else wouldn't have noticed, but Vine's known me for too long. "Shard…?" He glances at the big black tom he was talking to and pads through the group of cats, coming to a stop in front of me. "Are you okay?"

"Viper," I whisper. His eyes narrow in confusion. "Is she here?" My voice is strangled and weak.

Vine straightens. "Viper? Yeah, she's here, why?"

My heart stops. The world spins around me in an ever-darkening haze, trapping me. I feel the cold stone against my face just before my eyes close.


	17. Chapter 17 - now

"Shard? Shard! Wake up!" A heavy paw prods my side and I hiss, striking out with my claws and snagging something on their tips. "_Ow!_ Hey! What was that for?"

I blink open my eyes and look up at Vine. My head explodes in a painful kaleidoscope of color, the world blurring and spinning until, slowly, it fades away. Vine is looking down at me, wincing. Four long scratches streak down his shoulder, oozing blood.

I cringe. "Instinct, I guess. Sorry." I try to push myself to my paws, but I'm too dizzy and I stumble. Vine pushes his untouched shoulder against mine, holding me up.

The rest of the gathering is gone. It's only Vine and me in the cave. "Are you okay?" Vine asks, peering down at me. The scars over his eyes tilt down when the fur on his forehead wrinkles.

Finally I can balance on my own. I test the ground with my paws and sigh with relief when they stay stable. "Yeah." I look up toward the top of the cave, my tail swaying with thought.

"Shard." Vine's voice brings my eyes back to him. "When I said Viper was here, I didn't mean she's… _here_ here. I just meant she's around. In the forest."

At the mention of her name my pelt fluffs up again. My claws sink into the dirt and my ears flatten, and I don't notice I'm growling until Vine takes a step away. I remember, with a sneer, creeping across the cavern, and then my less than graceful fall to the ground. I cringe a second time, my nose wrinkling. It's been hard upholding my tough reputation, and there it goes.

All because of _her_.

Suddenly I'm very, very angry. How _dare_ she walk into _my_ forest, seeking to avenge for my own action of revenge. First she trespasses on my territory. Then she steals my mate.

And now she wants to destroy me.

For killing her stolen item.

Stolen from me.

Vine opens his mouth to speak, but I turn away. The fury is rolling off me in waves. No matter how hard she tries, she won't defeat me. No one ever has, and no one ever will.

I won't allow it.

"You have quite a quarrel with this Viper, don't you?" Vine says from behind me. His voice is low, but curious, even with the hint of warning creeping underneath. "I wouldn't suggest seeking her out and confronting her," he advises carefully. "She didn't come alone."


	18. Chapter 18 - now

All my anger comes crashing down around me. She came with someone?

Who?

The fear comes back. I remember, again, the look on her face as she followed me out of the cave. The anger led to my success. I can't see how it would do her any different. And now, with a companion?

There is no way I'll make it.

There is only one choice for me.

I have to run.

Vine is staring at me, his face scrunched up in confusion. No doubt all of the emotions that passed through me showed up on my face. I start to sway again.

"Are you sure you're okay, Shard?" Vine took a step toward me, one paw outstretched. "What did she do to you that has got you all distressed?"

I look away, my heart dropping. If I have one. "It isn't what she did to me," I tell him, my voice several octaves lower than normal. I glance back toward him. "It's what I did to her." It's true. She did bring it all upon herself, but my killing of Hail is what has got her after me.

"Shard?" Vine takes another step toward me, his paws slapping faintly on the soft earth. "What did you do to her?"

I don't answer. My mind is whirling with fear and anger and images of Hail's brutal death and my imminent one. I don't want to run away, but I don't want to die, either – I'm not ready to die! I still have most of my life ahead of me. I open my mouth to respond at last, but nothing comes out.

"I'm leaving," I say, finally. My voice is quiet and soft, and for a moment I think he didn't hear me. But then he responds.

"But Shard," Vine whispers. I turn to look at him, my ears flattened against my head in sorrow. Sorrow that's only half-real. Vine's eyes are clouded with a fatherly love, like I'm the daughter he never had the chance to know. "You've barely been here."

"I have to go," I say, my voice loud and echoing in the cavern. "I can't stay here. I'm sorry—I really have no other choice."

"Yes you do." Vine looks me straight in the eye, and I stare back. "We can fix whatever happened. Please."

I turn away and pad toward the tunnel. "I'm sorry," I repeat. Why do I feel soft toward him? What happened to my mission?

I wonder if he's ever broken someone's heart.

I ask him this as he bounds up to my side. I don't mean to—it just slips out. Will he not let me just leave? I don't want any regrets. He looks taken aback, and pauses for a moment, his ears twitching in thought. Finally, he nods, letting his head hang down, and starts to tell me the story, his tone full of sorrow and his eyes guilty. But I'm not listening. _He's broken someone's heart. He's broken someone's heart._ It rings through my head, over and over, taunting me. I don't want to avenge someone I don't know at the cost of someone I've come to like.

I don't want to.

But if I don't, I've failed my mission.

He isn't even finished with his story yet. I step forward, and he looks up at my teeth, bared and glinting in the faint light from the tunnel. Several emotions flit across his face, but I don't take the mental energy to track them.

Finally he settles on a mix of utter confusion and sadness. Deep, deep sadness.

My claws slip through the fur on his neck, and the blood splashes my paws as he falls. I don't even watch him hit the ground as I turn and stalk through the tunnel, flicking away drops of blood with every step.

* * *

******A/N: Hello! It's been a few days since I updated, and it will be another few until I update again! I'm going camping, starting today and ending on Wednesday morning, so my next update won't be until then. Thanks for reading, and sorry for the wait!**


	19. Chapter 19 - now

I run without stopping. I can't stay here. What if Viper finds me? What will she do to me? What if even all the skill I've accumulated over the seasons isn't enough to stop a she-cat distraught with destroyed love?

I push the thoughts from my mind, and run in complete mental silence. I think about nothing—only the sound of my paws hitting the damp grass echoes inside my head. Thank StarClan—or, the Dark Forest, I suppose-it's stopped raining. Otherwise I would get nowhere. Otherwise Viper would find me.

My lungs burn and my legs ache, eventually, but I don't stop. I don't have a choice. If I die, then there is no one to continue my mission. There's no one to continue the havoc I've caused and the pain I've softened. There's no one else who even _knows_.

Sometimes, when I look over my shoulder, I see dark forms weaving around the trees. Or I think I do. But I don't let the fear touch me. I keep my mind from roaming, pouring all my mental strength into running, replacing it with physical strength once I'm exhausted. And still I'm running, running, always running.

Over time, the sun starts to sink in the sky. The ground is dry by now—how long have I been running?—and the blades of grass slice open my paws. Hard stones scratch the surface of my pads, and low-hanging branches whip across my face, tearing open long streaks in my fur that drip blood into my eyes and turn my vision red. But still I run. I don't stop. I don't slow. I don't feel pain. I keep running and running, until the sun is gone, until I can barely see where I place my paws. I run. I run.

I run.

* * *

When I awake, I'm horrified. When did I stop running? When did I decide to sleep? But then I remember, once the moon had made it's journey across the sky and was nearing the horizon, that I'd fallen. Just fell. No decision, no thought. My legs just couldn't pull me any longer, and I fell. That explains the dirt caked into my pelt, and the skid marks across the ground. It hadn't been a graceful fall.

I must not have slept long. The sun is up, but only barely. There are clouds on the horizon, as if it will rain again soon, and I decide I need to go now, before Viper and her entourage, whoever they are, catch up to me. I push myself up, my legs shaky and weak below me. How long did I run? The pain is amazing in it's power, but I push it away. I won't be able to run—I'll have to walk, but I'll do it swiftly. I start to move, without even considering prey, but then I hear a voice.

At first, I drop to a crouch so quickly it almost makes a sound, thinking it's Viper. But this voice is decidedly male, and guilty. "I'm sorry!" it says. I hear dry grass crunch, as if he's taking a step forward.

"No!" another voice screeches. This one is female, but unfamiliar. "Get away! Go! I don't _ever_ want to see you again."

"But-"

"No! You have _another litter of kits_! You _cheated_ on me! Go, and take care of your other family." The last several words drop to a growl. "Go." Her voice is menacing now, but still dripping with pain. "Get away from me, and never return."

There's a long pause, one in which no one moves. Not even me. And then the tom's voice rings out, quieter, painful, but still guilty. "I don't have another family. They found out as well." Still no one moves. "I have nowhere else to go."

But she doesn't speak, and I take a step forward to peek through the branches of the bush between me and them. She's a grand she-cat, with glowing white fur and piercing green eyes. Around her neck a mane of fur cascades over her chest, and above her paws the fur is thick and bushy. Her tail glides through the air, full and voluminous. For a moment I'm self-conscious of my own appearance, and I look down at my ragged, torn, dirty gray pelt. I remember when it used to gleam the most beautiful silver, glowing in the moonlight.

But that time is past me now. Now I can see my own ribs, every tendon in my legs, every bone in my body. I can trace my entire anatomy now. My fur barely covers it now, at this point, anyway.

Then a swish of the grass calls my attention back to the cats in front of me. The she-cat turns away, her eyes clouded over with unfeeling, and walks away, disappearing into the shadows of the forest.

The tom stands there for a moment, his eyes sad, but then he turns as well, in the opposite direction. He passes me, without noticing my presence. I wait, not breathing, for a few moments, and then I push myself to my paws.

Once I'm sure he's made it upwind, I start after him.


	20. Chapter 20 - now

It's almost like an addiction. Like if I were to walk away from it, I would fall to the ground and twitch and shake until I conceded.

But it's also an obligation. It's power. It's revenge. It's protection. It's revival.

It's emotion.

I move after him with all the stealth of a shadow. The forest swims before me, curves and swirls. My vision is trained on the tom, his wide and light gait, the swish of his narrow tail. The slope of his shoulders. The angle of his ears, laid lightly against his head, as if he doesn't have the energy to hold them up. I hurry behind him, keeping to the shadows and against the trees, keeping his scent in my nose every time I disappear behind a tree or into a bush.

He walks swiftly. Even in his regret, which I can see with every catch in his step, he's quick. I have to double my pace to keep up. But I follow, keeping silent and hidden. He never notices me.

Then he comes to a thick patch of trees. Small boulders scatter around a cluster of oak trunks, crammed so tightly together that the space between them is barely big enough to fit a cat. But the tom slips through them, and then he disappears, dropping down to somewhere below.

I sprint toward a stone just outside the trees, and crouch behind it. I don't hear any sounds—he must have just laid down. I creep forward, my paws gliding across the ground. Once I get to the outside of the trees, I crouch down again, keeping my breathing quiet and shallow even though my heart is beating in overdrive. Still I hear no sounds. Just the slightest shuffle, from changing position.

I don't hesitate. I bunch my muscles, and then I leap forward, through the crack and into the air. Suddenly I find myself flailing, reaching for something to dig my claws into, as I fall through the air, swiping my paws around. Then my claws sink into dirt, but my momentum carries my backward, and I tumble head over heels down some sort of tunnel.

And then my shoulder brushes another shoulder, one that is jerking away, slamming itself against the far wall of the tunnel. A heavy growl erupts from the tom's throat as I scramble to my paws, and he doesn't hesitate. He leaps before I've even found my footing.

But I've played this game before, and I let my paws slip again. He soars over me—he'd expected me to get to my paws by the time he reached me. A thoughtful move, for sure, but I've been at this for too long, and my own move was not only well-planned but instinctive. He landed on the other side of the tunnel, hissing in frustration. But this time I'm ready when he turns, and I have the advantage. As he comes back toward me I dive around him, raking my claws across his side, from his front shoulder to his flank.

His yowl pierces my ears, but I twist as I slide away, digging my claws into the ground to pull myself up before I stop moving. I use my gained momentum and lunge forward, my teeth sinking deeply into his neck, blood bubbling up around my teeth. I taste the salty, metallic liquid on my tongue and pull back, leaving him to die without a second glance.

And then I'm on the run again.


End file.
